Saturday, February 21, 2009

I was noticing that all my rants were negative! So negative! Yuck!

In my last post I was saying that I needed to find a way to ground out. Get all that pent up, negative energy out of my body and mind. And I did. I used to walk a lot. I didn't have a car for a long time and I would just throw a backpack over my shoulders and go. I would get to process my day before I got home. I had some time to think it out, get it out while I was pounding the pavement, walking faster, harder to make my destination.

Fast forward to now, I have two kids, and a mini van. I love my mini van. I now hate to walk. funny. I didn't mind not having a car, so why does the thought of walking make me wrinkle my nose?

Anyway, I have a friend, (I think this is a real one too!)that is one my level. She knows about the same things I do, but she knows more about them. Like spiritual stuff and like color therapy and that kind of hippie stuff that I'm totally into and have just sorta forgotten about. Kinda like how I've sorta forgotten about my spirituality. I am a hippie. Just not a dirty smelly, hiding behind a label so they can feel better about the fact that they are just... I'm not sure what they exact word is that I'm looking for here. But, like I try to use the chakra and colors and crystals and even tarot cards and things to help guide me to what the problem is and what it is I need to fix.

Like I've been drawn to red and orange a lot lately, Hmm, funny, I've been having grounding and family issues. Interesting. But I believe in that stuff. It resonates true for me. And if it doesn't for you? Well, that's OK. You don't have to believe what I do. That's part of the beauty of this human experience is that we are all different.

Anyway, this was supposed to be a happy post, and I still feel like it's a pretty heavy one, but whatever. I feel much better with my being and my soul today than I did yesterday and that's the real point.

Namaste, my friends!

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Ahhh! Where to start? So do people use these things as like diaries open to the public? I dunno.

So I've come to find out a few things about myself recently. Not like I didn't know about them before, but I guess you could say I choose not to acknowledge them. Like, I'm sensitive. My friends tell me their shit, and then it becomes my shit. YAY! I have a friend that has a rough marriage, and I don't. my husband and I deal with things differently. I'm really not trying to judge here, but what it really comes down to is that I that on her energy. Her marriage is having problems, she has these complaints. Then I start to notice that some of the things her hubby does, mine does too! But while her hubby may do it everyday, mine may do it only once in a while. our issues are completely different. but then again we are completely different people.

I think I just get tired of hearing folks complain about things and NEVER do anything constructive about it.

then I have my best friend. and I just don't even think I can get into writing about her. She needs to write a book. That being said, she's really going through it, and I love her, but I don't know how to help. She needs to do it on her own. she has always been looking for someone to swoop in and fix her life for her (it's been a REALLY hard one. I don't blame her). But at some point, you have to stop the pity party and move on.

God I sound so heartless. The thing is that I don't know how to let go of their shit. I don't know how to hold space with them, be there for them, and when the phone call or the visit ends, let that go. I carry it into MY life. I'm short with my kids, my hubby. then what? Now I'M choosing their life of strife!! No! Dammit! I've worked very hard to be where I am. I work hard to own up to my demons. Am I proud of all the decisions I've made in my life? NO. But do I just sit there and let it eat at me everyday and be this negative, nasty person ALL the time? No. No thank you.

But then what do I do about the friendships? I can't, or rather don't feel right about severing the ties, I love these ladies. we've been through a lot together. they are bright and wonderful people, but they let their baggage get under their feet.

I'm at a lost. The only thing I think I can do to honor us all is ti figure out a way to ground out. because even if it's not them, it'll would be some other person in my life. So regardless of who it is tell me their problems, I need to know how to let their stuff be their stuff.

Oi vey. life can be so simple, yet immensely difficult at the same time.

Oh, and my body hurts, and it's pretty much time for my moon to come and visit. again, YAY. :^