Monday, March 23, 2009


Reflections of my soul. they are many, like the many facets of a finely cut stone. The depth, the flash of color, the beauty. It's all me. And I like it. I think it's nice to be able to say, 'Yea. Yea, I AM OK.' And truly believe it.

Now, I 'm not saying I'm perfect. If I was, I would have nothing to work on. And what fun would life be if I didn't have anything (or part/ aspect of myself) to work on? Nobody really wants to be friends with a perfectionist. As a human being, I can strive for perfection in certain areas that I would like to do well, but I can't be perfect in every way. And THAT'S OK!!!!

I do feel more balanced. I am better able to see my emotions, now it's catching them before they (the nasty ones that I'd like to get under control) come out. But I've one way for my whole life so far. It's hard to undo 30 years of habit. So as long as I take it slow, one step at a time, I will be where I want to be.

And that's all that matters to me. I'm getting to the point to where I just don't care what other folks think of me. I don't care what strangers think of me. I've always been very worried about the judgements of strangers.

I've had a hard time adjusting to being a mom and housewife because I've been trying to cram myself into some sort of labeled mold that I just don't fit into. But all that matters in the big picture of things is, how is my kid? Is he good? Is he where I'd like him to be? does he reflect the type of mother that I am, and is that OK with me? And you what? He's a good kid. He's smart, he's pretty well behaved, he says please and thank you (most of the time). I mean, really, what more could I want? And why would I want more? He's perfect just the way he is!! (Can you tell I'm reminding myself?)

But anyways, this Journey we call Life is a very interesting one. It has it's ups and downs. And when I die I'd like to say, I enjoyed every minute of this, sometimes chaotic, life.

Blessings to you, my unknown friends!! My life smile upon you today and every day!!


Sunday, March 22, 2009

I have a new friend.

And she is AWESOME!!!! I have been going through the last 5-6 yrs pretty much devoid of 'spirituality.' My reason? Well, falling in love can do funny things to a girl (if she lets it).

Not that it's his fault, but my hubby just doesn't really believe... in anything. I guess he is teh true definition of agnostic. He doesn't denouce it, he just needs more proof. And, well, I can get pretty airy faery about what I believe in. And for some reason or another I became ashamed of my beliefs around him. And well, we're married and we have two children now (4yr and 12mo.), so we spend a lot of time together. So I just put the little hippie girl in a box and forgot about her. Then she even got pretty covered up and the mom role and the wifey role and the care taker role to a diabetic 2 yr old and all that that can bring.

and then, not to long ago, a girl that I really liked but for my own selfish reasons had taken her out of my life, re-entered. and with a bit of a force! A force I was not quite ready for, but she just wouldn't take no for an answer, and I'm sure glad she didn't!!

Anyway, she's a blast to be around and she also teaches me so many things by just being herself. Realizing who she is, and what works for her and going with it. If she wants to stretch or rub her legs cause that's what helps her to ground out, so be it. It's so nice to have this reflection back in my life.

I feel like she's here to help me recognize the things I need to work on to get to where I want to be. Actually I think she's here just to remind me of what I already know. I just need to trust myself.

hmph, yeah. I think that'll do. Trust. yeah.

Well, 'til next time!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Wow! What a weekend!
I have gotten reacquainted with the hippie in me. Wow. Poor girl. She's been locked up in such a small box for so long! She kinda went a little crazy when she got out.
I guess I didn't realize how much of a hippie I really am. I really do believe in energy. I can really feel it. I am an intuitive person. And that is OK. I have denied myself for so long now. No wonder I have been trying to find myself. I know I'm a wife and a mother of two; a crocheter/ knitter; a dog owner. But what type? What type of mother, what type of wife? A good one? A bad one? Mediocre? Is it all just so black and white? I think not. That's why there are rainbows.
Colors. Lots of colors. I've discovered that I need lots of colors. I don't really care for the rainbow, but lots of colors are good. Like lots of different colors of rocks. I have so many crystals. I have 18 spheres alone! WHY??!!Oh yeah, they're so pretty. I miss just looking at them, feeling them. It's crazy to me. I have a metaphysical book that gives the meanings for the rocks. It's pretty crazy that I can be drawn to certain stones and the meaning (somewhere in there) be right on.
Same with tarot cards. Well I use the Faerie Cards. Not really tarot to me. But then again. I don't really use them like the book says. I just see how it pertains to me and my life. Is it going to help me. AM I going to help me? No one can do it but me. Not even a counselor. Sure I can go and they can talk, but it still comes down to me implementing their advice. I know I can give good advice, so I just need to take it. Plain and simple. I just need to figure my shit out. Easier said than done? Maybe. I think it's more about ending old habits. Acknowledging and thinking bout what is really going on in my head and acting appropriately!! Geez. I'm not asking that much of my self. Just a complete life change.